Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in singer88's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, November 26th, 2009
10:40 pm	Thanksgiving I was going to post a list of things I'm thankful for, but I figured, hey, let's make this all interactive. So reply with something that you're thankful for, and I'll respond with a reason that I'm thankful for you! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
1:11 am	For Good Since I'm a certified Glee addict, I've been listening to all the music non-stop. One of the recent songs they did was Defying Gravity, which, via the chain of youtube links led me to some awesome Wicked music that I haven't listened to in a while. One of these songs is the song "For Good." I've been thinking a lot about one set of lyrics particularly. I've heard it said That people come into our lives for a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led To those who help us most to grow If we let them And we help them in return It's really made me start evaluating how I view the friendships and relationships I've had in the past. Sometimes I lament not having some people still in my lives (especially CTY people with whom I've drifted apart), but I've realized that it's so important to take the lessons learned from all of these relationships, and to know that I've grown as a person because of them and that I've helped other people grow. Instead of regretting the past, it's a lot nicer to think about the positives and the growth. That said, I still miss people. But it's easier to end the day without regrets. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 4th, 2009
7:59 pm	Hopefully, I'm entering this year with a clean slate. I'm taking no classes in the stat department this semester, so hopefully I won't be hating any of my classes. I'm starting to be more comfortable with myself again, and part of that is making a conscious effort to adjust myself into who I want to be. I was bitter. And I hated it. And I didn't know how to not be bitter and bitchy. I think family vacation helped - I'm not really allowed to be catty or bitter around my family, they just wouldn't take it. But also, it's a matter of being more in touch with myself. Forcing myself to not say things that I'll regret. Even changing my thinking to try and be less judgmental. Realizing that I DON'T have to change parts of who I am - sorry guys, I'm not going to stop being wildly inappropriate any time soon - because my real friends appreciate me for the parts of my personality that are really me. I think I can finally say that I feel like me again. It's taken 6 months too long, but it's happened. Just in time for school to start, of course. I'm really excited to live next door to Andrew and in the same building as Kelsey again! And to see so many people! And my classes should be ok. I think getting back on a schedule will be good for me. Here's to a good school year for all. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 5th, 2009
5:42 pm	Nice one-liner One of the kids on my floor has a "that's so gay" problem. He pretty much says it incessantly. We've talked about it before and I try to bring it to his attention every time he says it ... leading to this exchange. Student 1: Yeah, it's so gay. Ben: It's so what? Student 2: It's so bicurious. Particularly amusing was that it was my 12 year old who came up with the response. I love CTY. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 27th, 2009
12:06 am	So come pick me up, I've landed I'm happy. Or at least something tangent to happy. Closure, sweet closure. Just to hear Dan say that he could not forsee us in a relationship in the near future, that he cares about me but not in the same way he used to, to have him explain what was going on in his head in March, it was amazing. It was like pulling teeth to get him to verbalize this stuff, but it was worth it. And the realization that we're just in two places in our lives that are incompatible - that I'm looking for a serious relationship in a way that he just isn't ready for - is so enlightening. And he did love me. And that means someone can, and WILL, love me again. Not that it doesn't still hurt. But I can move on and love someone else. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 12th, 2009
10:15 pm	Mehhh I'm sick. I've had a myriad of symptoms over the past four days, ranging from fever to headache to neck pain to sore throat to coughing. Currently it's just sore throat and coughing. Hopefully, I'll be better soon. CTY is coming up in less than two weeks. I'm utterly excited/terrified. I've been trying to take Gabi's advice and not let the anticipation of seeing Dan again kill me. It's not really working. I guess I'm sorta confused what it is I want from him. Obviously, in an ideal world he'd come up to me and tell me how he actually loves me and what a mistake it was to break up with me and how he really wants to be with me, etc. However, we all know that isn't what's going to happen. So ... do I still want to be friends with him? Do I need closure? Will it require tear-filled discussions? Will he be willing to actually give me a reason for breaking up with me? Is it worth asking him? How in the world are we going to work together? I think ultimately, the biggest question is whether I still want to be friends, at least in the friends for the 7 weeks we're working together sense of the word. To be fair, I'm not entirely sure we even will be working together ... I'm almost positive he's coming back to CTY, but maybe he'll be a TA like he wanted to last year? Which would probably render much of this agony moot. But if we are working together, do I want to be friends or just coworkers? And then of course, there's what he wants, which is probably to have nothing to do with me. Anyway, the anticipation is most certainly killing me. Which sucks. I wish I could just fast forward two weeks. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 4th, 2009
1:24 am	Random musing: One interesting thing about Facebook - Through inertia, I (and I presume many people) tend to remain fbook friends with the exes (who I barely know) of my friends long after they have stopped dating. It's always quite strange to see one of these show up in your newsfeed, because there's really no reason to be facebook friends with them. I suppose this is true with exes' friends as well, but I guess Dan's friends (other than people I know independently of him, like Abby) just don't show up on my newsfeed often. Also, I promise to post something in the next couple days about my trip to Oklahoma. Feel free to remind me. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 17th, 2009
11:00 am	Slight ramblings So, I think I've entered general being-single malaise from Dan specific malaise. Which is good. I do still love him, but it's something that's more in the background and I don't think about it all the time. Being-single malaise isn't particularly fun, but at least it's not too unhealthy. Meh. I often feel that I'm far too picky to find someone, especially since I'm not exactly a great catch myself. In better news, I somehow managed to do pretty well this semester despite being kinda depressed and not getting any work done for a month or so. Like, this will probably be my best semester so far academically. Woot. I'm going to Maryland this coming weekend with Uptown Vocal to sing at a wedding. I'm super excited. I'm also going to Oklahoma the next weekend to visit a friend from Columbia. I'm really excited to go, because I've never been anywhere near there before. I also feel like I should get my travel on while I have time and mobility. I'm also really excited to work at CTY again this summer. Some of my awesome coworkers from last year are coming back and MCKENZIE IS GOING TO BE AN RA TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's gonna be awesome. My feelings about Dickinson are a little more love-hate than usual but it's still one of my homes away from home. Edit: Or I'm just lying to myself. Dickinson graduation is today. I wish I was in Carlisle. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 16th, 2009
8:34 pm	Woot! So, the semester is finally over. Yay! And I've realized that I have some free time + a webcam. Therefore, I want to make video messages. So, anyone who wants a video message from me (probably delivered via facebook) or wants to skype (ben.leiwant), let me know! Hope everyone is doing well. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 4th, 2009
1:58 pm	Letting go I'm letting go. Doing a little spring cleaning, I suppose. I'm five finals (and a programming assignment) away from the end of the semester. As much as I love Columbia, I'm eager to leave and cleanse myself of this semester. I'm thinking of doing a little traveling before CTY (so long as my parents don't object too strongly), hopefully see some places I've never been to before. So, if anyone wants me to visit in June, especially if it's somewhere I've never been to before (the South + Midwest, for example), let me know. Likely, I probably won't end up doing anything, but it's good to dream big. I'm glad it's time to let go. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 15th, 2009
1:57 am	Fire Alarm Ramblings I'm sitting in the Hartley computer lab so I didn't have to go outside when the John Jay fire alarm went off. Considering I went to sleep half an hour ago, I'm not happy. I haven't posted in a while because I've been spending the last two weeks or so with Dan. I've been happy :-) I also haven't posted because my computer is suffering from a virus that I have not yet resolved. Boo. Pittsburgh was pretty awesome ... Dan's parents were so nice, and his friends were cool too. We had good times in New York as well ... went to Chinatown, MoMA, the Met, Museum of Natural History, PS1, Times Square, an off-Broadway show (Altar Boyz) ... good times. Anyways, hopefully I can get back into my building and sleep. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 19th, 2008
4:06 pm	Meh. I got some minor surgery today to remove a mole. There's a humongous bandage on my back, and I'm not supposed to lift or stretch or something so that the stitches don't come out. Basically I have no idea what that means, so it's hard to find positions that are both comfortable and guaranteed to not be screwing with my stitches. In other news, I'm back in New Jersey, and my mother has been remarkably nice (she's usually better when I'm sick / getting medical care). Also, it was snowing like crazy, but it might have turned to freezing rain now - I'm not sure. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 16th, 2008
6:09 pm	I'm back? So, I've basically been on a year-long break from LJ. But with some encouragement from rhapsodyatdusk, I think I'm going to start writing more. It's been an enjoyable year ... I really love Columbia, I've been singing in an awesome a capella group, Uptown Vocal, I've been teaching for Peer Health Exchange, which has been a blast, and I've been doing some of that academic stuff too (but don't worry, not too much). My summer was fantastic - I went to Australia and New Zealand with my family (and they didn't annoy me too too much) and I worked at CTY! At Carlisle, no less. But only for the second session (I was still in Australia during first session). Carlisle was glorious, although I didn't make it to Massey's at all. True to my tradition of finding relationships via CTY (shoutout to siemprespeaking), my current boyfriend, Dan, was my fellow RA over the summer. Speaking of being an RA, I'm doing that at college this year, which is really enjoyable. It's kinda nice to have a hall full of freshmen looking to me for advice :-) ... and the work really isn't too bad. Anyway, those who still have finals, good luck (I just finished my last one)! Sorry I suck at keeping in contact, and I'd love to hear from all of you, even if we haven't talked in years. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 28th, 2007
2:17 pm	Traditional End of the Year Post First sentence or so from each month. I'm excluding the types of sentences that are basically "OMG i havent posted in forever", or else that would be half the list. January: So, I got a Rutgers Presidential Scholarship! February: Dear Anonymous, Thank you. You pretty much made my day. Love, Me March: #1 :-) April: Seeing Gov Schoolers yesterday was so amazing! May: I feel randomly sad today. June: Now that I'm a week from graduating, I think I have finally made my peace with Whippany Park High School. July: So I started work today. August: Hola from Sevilla! September: I had my first day of classes today. October: I went to the Knicks game tonight. Versus Maccabi Tel Aviv. I personally like to call the whole experience YarmulkeFest2007. November: I'm 19! Yay! December: This has been a very interesting weekend so far. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 21st, 2007
12:45 am	Holy Shit, There Went My First Semester of College! Wow. One semester down, seven to go. Things I've learned from this semester: 1) Doing the reading seems like a bitch at the time, but its better than doing it right before finals (luckily, I didn't learn that one the hard way). 2) Hooking up is great and all, but I'm looking for a relationship. Sexual gratification I can get from myself, emotional gratification I need from someone else. 2a) Turns out, I wasn't over him as much as I thought I was. 3) No group of friends is perfect, so I need to get over not being in one. 4) Great friends come from all over the place (down the hall, volleyball class, downstairs) as long as I MAKE THE EFFORT to build the friendship. 5) Music is my drug (and sometimes I need a heavy dose). Apparently I like to sing in my room, walking down the hall, in the shower, in the elevator, and on the way to class. Actually the only one that surprised me was the elevator. 5a) Thank god for Ruckus. 6) Little things can absolutely make and break a day. Usually make. 6a) Donna's mother is awesome. I still have leftover cake from the third care package she sent me. 7) Teaching contraception is amazing. And high school students are adorable. Doing Peer Health Exchange is an amazing experience. 8) I need large amounts of sleep. It always amazes me that so many people here get such little sleep. I'm definitely not one of those people who can stay up long into the night doing work. 9) Confirming previous thought, I still don't like alcohol. Also confirming previous thought, most people here like it too much. 10) Lit Hum, the course I thought would be my least favorite, turned out to be awesome/amazing. It was definitely my favorite course (other than volleyball, of course). 11) Living in Furnald was definitely a good choice. I might not have a massive clump of people to hang out with like John Jay people do, but my hall was an excellent mix of crazy and quiet. 12) At some point I'm going to have to figure out why I can be such an emotional wreck and stop blaming it on hormones. 13) Columbia is really diverse, and if you seek it out, you can surround yourself with diversity. Overly-specialized clubs can tend to clump similar people together, but a diverse group of friends is definitely attainable. 14) I like my high school friends (in general) much more now that we don't go to school together. 15) Having my very own space is a great experience, and it lets me be myself, at least when I'm in my room. 16) Tea is my friend. I'm sure there are more things I've learned, but I can't think of them at the moment. I guess they've ingrained themselves in well. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 13th, 2007
11:53 am	Things I've done during reading period: watch 10 Things I Hate About You watch Casino Royale watch Mean Girls go to Roti Roll ... 3 times (once in my bathrobe) play dozens of games of freecell study? not so much (Comment on this)
Monday, December 3rd, 2007
10:36 pm	Sensory memories I was thinking the other day about sensory memory. I was in my friend's room listening to some music, and Ave Maria (by David Bisbal) came on. And suddenly I had this vision of the street I parked on in Morristown every day before work this summer, because Ave Maria was on a CD I had in my car for most of this summer so that's where I heard it the most. And now I was reminded to write this entry because Nightswimming came on, which I'm pretty sure will never fail to remind me of Gabi. Earlier in the semester too I had an experience which has led me to tie the smell of sweet alcohol on a person's body/breath to one specific person. I had never really thought before this though how much memory can be tied to senses. It's really cool! I'm going to make this meme-esque and ask that you comment with your favorite sensory memory, mostly because I feel like I haven't had a lot of contact with people for a while. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 2nd, 2007
11:49 am	Weeeeekend This has been a very interesting weekend so far. Friday, I was teaching my lovely Contraception workshop with Gelseigh at a school in Midtown and before class starts, 3 people show up from PHE! I was so nervous. But the class we had was amazing! They were really eager to participate and none of them were a classroom management problem. <3. Later on Friday, I went to a Sister Hazel concert! Listening to them perform the music live was so awesome. And they're not bad to look at either. The venue was really small and I got there fairly early, so I was about two rows back from the stage, right near Jett, the cute bassist. And we were close enough that when they walked to stage at the end of the concert to shake people's hands, I managed to shake Drew's. (Drew = total Dilf). Also, you've never truly heard the Dreidle song unless you've heard it done bluegrass-style. Yesterday, I procrastinated on writing my paper that's due monday (I ended up getting about two lines done). This included talking to my parents on the phone for a total of over 2 hours, hanging out with my friend Aastha, and playing computer games I haven't played in years (side note, I found online websites to play Set!). I also almost walked 6 blocks down Amsterdam Ave. in my bathrobe to get food. Almost. Today I woke up to ... snow! Snow's a lot prettier when you don't have to shovel it. Today I need to: 1)write my paper 2) go to Gayava's Hanukkah party! 3) not go crazy. Hopefully I'll at least be able to do the first two. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
12:42 am	Meme Stolen from Sandy 1. You shall put your music player on shuffle. 2. You shall press forward for each question. 3. You shall use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING! 4. You shall tag 5 people and rain hell upon humanity. 5. You shall give your own comments on how it relates to the questions. How are you feeling today? "Buddy Holly"--Weezer. Yea, I guess I'm having a pretty positive outlook on life, not caring what other people are thinking. Will you get far in life? "Slide"--Goo Goo Dolls. I think that's a good thing? In bed? How do your friends see you? "It's Possible"--Seussical. Perhaps in a mind-wandering, says weird random things sorta way. What is your best friend's theme song? "Fire of Heaven / Altar of Earth"--Matisyahu. Jewish? What is the story of your life? "Will I?"--Rent. No way, I've definitely had a wonderful life so far. What is high school like? "Daydream Believer"--The Monkees. Umm, I guess it mentions a homecoming queen? How can you get ahead in life? "Indestructible"--Matisyahu. I guess getting spiritually ahead, maybe. What is the best thing about your friends? "Cecilia"--Simon and Garfunkel. They talk about sex with me. Well, I do that with pretty much everyone anyway. Hopefully not that they would leave me when I needed them. What is in store for this weekend? "Stay With You"--John Legend. Considering I'm not with someone, it probably doesn't hold anything for this weekend. How is your life going? "The Times They Are A-Changin'"--Bob Dylan. I guess my life (and me) is definitely changing. For the better, I hope. What song will they play at your funeral? "Iris"--Goo Goo Dolls. I was thinking something more like a wedding for this song. Maybe this means I'll have some major unrequited love issues in the future. What do your friends really think of you? "Wake me up before you go-go"--Wham!. Maybe my friends feel like I leave them out or exclude them? I hope not. Do people secretly lust after you? "Total Eclipse of the Heart"--Bonnie Tyler. Haha, if this song really is the answer, than that is a fairly unequivocal yes. How can you make yourself happy? "I Touch Myself"--Divinyls. I think this is the most accurate one so far. What should you do with your life? "MLK"--U2. Either I should get lots of sleep, or I should be an influential civil rights leader. I'll take either. Will you ever have children? "Beautiful Thing"--Sister Hazel. Doesn't really answer the question, although it does seem to indicate that I'll find the right person for me. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 4th, 2007
1:21 am	I'm 19! Yay! I visited Gabi at Brown, which was awesome. The people were all really nice, and it was awesome catching up with Gabi. I hope college gets to be more fun like that was. Tomorrow I'm going back home for this first time since I got to college. It should be interesting. (1 Comment |Comment on this)